"Women" "Ladies" and "Girls" -- Which terms are demeaning?

"I am not interested in women just because they're women.  I am interested, however, in seeing that they are no longer classed with children and minors."  -Crystal Eastman

Crystal Eastman… honestly I don’t know much about.  I’m going to have to do some research.  But this quote really hits home for me and probably for a whole lot of other women out there.  Though I’m sure this quote was said long ago when women were literally classed with children and minors, it’s often still done in practice.

[Edit: Crystal Eastman graduated from Vassar in 1903, and was a lawyer, antimilitarist, feminist, socialist, and journalist.  Incredible woman--wiki her]

I was speaking to a woman who works at the golf course today.  Her name is Ellen and she’s always been a really good friend to me, although we work in different departments.  She used to live in Northampton, and is a really incredible woman.  She's the club secretary, and part of her job is to edit the member’s newspaper, which is a hodgepodge of pieces by those who run the club—the Head Pro, the Clubhouse Manager, the Superintendent, the President of the club, etc. 

She came down today as she was about to leave a told me that she was going to retire on August first.  I my heart dropped but I gave her a congratulations—she really deserves the time to do what she wants.  She’s been working for x amount of years, and has never really had a chance to do what she wants to do.  She told me that she feels like a closeted feminist because of her age.  But she gets terribly offended by some of the things that men say around here.

For one thing, “ladies”.  Instead of “women’s league,” it is called the “ladies’ league,” here.  Now this might not seem like a bad thing unless you do some digging.  Because we have a men’s league it seems natural that you’d call the female equivalent the women’s league.  Men and women, ladies and gentlemen.  But the origin of the word “lady” is an old English word, which denotes a woman to whom homage or obedience is due, such as the wife of a lord or the mistress of a household.  If you look at it this way, the woman is being put down every time she is referred to as a lady.

Next, there’s one employee who’s been here for many years who refers to these women as ‘girls.’  “The girls are coming out to play,” “Here come the girls,” etc.  Now.  Ellen didn’t like this and nor do I.  Not that he meant any harm by it, he’s honestly a really nice guy, but rather clueless when it comes to things like this.  He’s older, and thinks he’s being friendly or fatherly or something.  Well, no.  No thank you.  A “girl” is a female child, or a young woman.  Alternatively, it is a term used to define a woman in terms of her significant other “his girl,” “Jesse’s girl,” etc.  These women are not children.  They are individuals who deserve to be treated as full members of the human race.

Furthermore, as the editor of the newsletter, she has to change a lot of the writing by the men in charge.  When they say “ladies” she changes it to “women”, when they say, “chairman” she changes it to “chair” etc.  The strength of this woman is amazing.  She never says a word to these men, but silently edits their words to her liking.  You can most certainly be a feminist without shoving it in anyone’s face, and sometimes that’s the way to get things done.  I can only wonder if these men ever notice her efforts.  Either way, it affects those that read the letter, for the more they view females as women and not ladies or girls, the more their views of these women might become more equal.

It’s really interesting how different people use feminism.  Some protest our male-dominated world by refusing to shave their legs.  Others protest by writing.  Others quietly change the words of men—as in newsletters or in legal documents—there are so many ways of resistance, passive or active, but they all make a difference.  Me, however, I’m loud.  I never shut up about my rights, about the plight of women, and about gender equality.  Sometimes this is a good thing, and something to be applauded, and other times it’s detrimental to the cause.  But I must say that I have the utmost respect for this woman and any other women who use these small but significant tools of protest.

And hopefully, thanks to her, I’ll think twice the next time I pick up the phone and say “Hello, beautiful lady!”  It will make a difference if I tell her instead, “Hello, beautiful woman!”

-Mac at Smith