"Women" "Ladies" and "Girls" -- Which terms are demeaning?

"I am not interested in women just because they're women.  I am interested, however, in seeing that they are no longer classed with children and minors."  -Crystal Eastman

Crystal Eastman… honestly I don’t know much about.  I’m going to have to do some research.  But this quote really hits home for me and probably for a whole lot of other women out there.  Though I’m sure this quote was said long ago when women were literally classed with children and minors, it’s often still done in practice.

[Edit: Crystal Eastman graduated from Vassar in 1903, and was a lawyer, antimilitarist, feminist, socialist, and journalist.  Incredible woman--wiki her]

I was speaking to a woman who works at the golf course today.  Her name is Ellen and she’s always been a really good friend to me, although we work in different departments.  She used to live in Northampton, and is a really incredible woman.  She's the club secretary, and part of her job is to edit the member’s newspaper, which is a hodgepodge of pieces by those who run the club—the Head Pro, the Clubhouse Manager, the Superintendent, the President of the club, etc. 

She came down today as she was about to leave a told me that she was going to retire on August first.  I my heart dropped but I gave her a congratulations—she really deserves the time to do what she wants.  She’s been working for x amount of years, and has never really had a chance to do what she wants to do.  She told me that she feels like a closeted feminist because of her age.  But she gets terribly offended by some of the things that men say around here.

For one thing, “ladies”.  Instead of “women’s league,” it is called the “ladies’ league,” here.  Now this might not seem like a bad thing unless you do some digging.  Because we have a men’s league it seems natural that you’d call the female equivalent the women’s league.  Men and women, ladies and gentlemen.  But the origin of the word “lady” is an old English word, which denotes a woman to whom homage or obedience is due, such as the wife of a lord or the mistress of a household.  If you look at it this way, the woman is being put down every time she is referred to as a lady.

Next, there’s one employee who’s been here for many years who refers to these women as ‘girls.’  “The girls are coming out to play,” “Here come the girls,” etc.  Now.  Ellen didn’t like this and nor do I.  Not that he meant any harm by it, he’s honestly a really nice guy, but rather clueless when it comes to things like this.  He’s older, and thinks he’s being friendly or fatherly or something.  Well, no.  No thank you.  A “girl” is a female child, or a young woman.  Alternatively, it is a term used to define a woman in terms of her significant other “his girl,” “Jesse’s girl,” etc.  These women are not children.  They are individuals who deserve to be treated as full members of the human race.

Furthermore, as the editor of the newsletter, she has to change a lot of the writing by the men in charge.  When they say “ladies” she changes it to “women”, when they say, “chairman” she changes it to “chair” etc.  The strength of this woman is amazing.  She never says a word to these men, but silently edits their words to her liking.  You can most certainly be a feminist without shoving it in anyone’s face, and sometimes that’s the way to get things done.  I can only wonder if these men ever notice her efforts.  Either way, it affects those that read the letter, for the more they view females as women and not ladies or girls, the more their views of these women might become more equal.

It’s really interesting how different people use feminism.  Some protest our male-dominated world by refusing to shave their legs.  Others protest by writing.  Others quietly change the words of men—as in newsletters or in legal documents—there are so many ways of resistance, passive or active, but they all make a difference.  Me, however, I’m loud.  I never shut up about my rights, about the plight of women, and about gender equality.  Sometimes this is a good thing, and something to be applauded, and other times it’s detrimental to the cause.  But I must say that I have the utmost respect for this woman and any other women who use these small but significant tools of protest.

And hopefully, thanks to her, I’ll think twice the next time I pick up the phone and say “Hello, beautiful lady!”  It will make a difference if I tell her instead, “Hello, beautiful woman!”

-Mac at Smith

Augusta National's Policy Against Women

I’m going to start this entry with another quote by Betty Friedan, which will link into my topic of today.

“Men are not the enemy, but the fellow victims.  The real enemy is women’s denigration of themselves.”  -Betty Friedan

Her point was that as long as women view themselves as victims and as second-class citizens, men are going to see them in that same light.  Women need to stand up and say. ‘Hey!  Women’s rights are human rights!’

I was having a discussion with a very good and well-educated man probably about a month ago about Augusta National’s policy against admitting women members.  (For those who don’t know, Augusta National is a private golf course, and the number one course in the United States.  One of the major championships, The Masters, is held there every year.)  It rather shocked me how adamantly he defended the course’s right to exclude women from membership.  But he kept hitting the same points.  Constitutionally, as a private organization, they have right to exclude whomever they want. 

I understand their rights fully.  I attend a private women’s institution that doesn’t admit anyone who has been born a man.  But as a course that hosts The Masters, a national tournament, and a course that profits from this tournament, they are making clear to the public their statement against women.  Their active practice of discrimination goes deeper than just allowing women to join the club.  It says that women are not good enough to be members of their esteemed institution.  In fact, they said the same thing to African Americans until 1990, but since women aren’t a minority group, they can get away with not allowing them in. 

I’m not saying that Boy Scouts of America should start admitting women, or that Girl Scouts should start admitting men.  Each of these groups has a clear aim, which is to help shape young minds into service-minded and oriented adults.  And they do this in an environment of a single gender, because it’s a place where these children can, presumably, be more comfortable and learn more about themselves.  Augusta National is different.  They are a club consisting of grown men whose average age is 72 and who, as businessmen, have no problem gaining money from women, but do have a problem with offering them equality at their prestigious club.

The man I was debating with, and who happens to know a lot about golf, pointed out that every single member of their club must be invited to be a member, and it was simply a matter of time until they invited a woman.  Well now.  At this course, the members consist mostly of the nation’s top businessmen (normally I would say and women, but in this case it does not apply).  Well, in 2002, the US Bureau of Labor stated that 7.9 percent of females in the workforce were among the top ranked in Fortune 500 companies, and 5.2 percent were among Fortune 500 top earners.  Clearly, it is an equality issue.  There are women who are just as competent as men in the business world, but the men are being picked over women as members of this club.

They won’t allow women membership, but they will allow them to play as guests and allow them in as spectators at The Masters.  Similarly, the corporate sponsors of The Masters clearly value the business of women, but choose to affiliate themselves with a club that denies membership to women.  I see this as a double standard.  Women’s money is good, but women themselves are not.  In response to this, Augusta National cancelled corporate sponsorship in 2003, but how did the event gain such national and international acclaim in the first place?  The corporate sponsors from previous years.

Furthermore, The Masters is one of PGA’s (Professional Golf Association)four major championships.  The PGA’s policy for tournament venues states that the host facility's "membership practices and policies do not discriminate on the basis of race, sex, religion or national origin.”  What??  What?!!  Clearly, Augusta National is the exception here, because it’s not “technically” a PGA tour event, but an “invitational”—similarly to the “invitation” they send to MEN in extension of membership.

Now I’m not a golfer, but I love golf.  I’ve grown up watching it, I’ve been around it all my life, and as I write this entry, it’s in my down time in my work in a bag room at a private course (a course which, though private, extends membership to women).  I understand Augusta’s right to exclude women from membership but that by no means makes it just for them to do so.

Yes, there are more pressing issues facing women today, but it would be an incredible statement for Augusta to (finally) admit a female member.  However, they had better choose her carefully, because if they choose someone with a similar disposition to my own, she might just decline.

-Mac at Smith

Betty Friedan, Marriage, and Gender

I feel so blessed to attend a college that brags alum like Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem.  It makes me think who these incredible womyn would have been had they not attended Smith College.  Would they still have been the well-written and versed activists that they became, or would they be hosting their revolutionary thoughts in their heads only?

Betty Friedan spoke my quote of the day, "If divorce has increased by one thousand percent, don't blame the women's movement.  Blame the obsolete sex roles on which our marriages were based."

What a beautiful quote.  It's difficult for me to put into words how I feel about marriage, because there are so many aspects to consider.  First of all, whether it's a traditional marriage between a man and a womyn or a marriage between two womyn, two men, or those who identify outside of the gender binary.  Do I ever want to get married?  I have no idea.  Right now it holds no great meaning to me.  The only reason I could think of to get married is honestly if I decided I wanted to have children to add some stability to their life.  I don't want to be a mother who hosts many sexual guests in my house.  I want to be in a relationship where my partner and me can both serve as stable parent figures in the child's life.  It may be old fashioned, but I think marriage is the easiest way for a child to know that they are in a family.  Which is why it's so important that gay marriage be recognized universally.

Marriage.  It's so difficult to define when a dictionary such as the New Oxford American Dictionary on my computer defines it as "the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife."  Why the fixation of gender?  And why is husband always placed before wife, king before queen, boy before girl?  And don't tell me it's in alphabetical order.

Someone at my job the other day was talking to me about homosexuality.  He said something to the effect of, "Why can't they just put their dick in a girl?"  I told him it was not his nor anyone else's business what anyone did with their dick.  He retorted with, "But it's not natural… like they can't make children that way."  So?  I told him, Every time you have sex, is it to make children?  Plenty of straight couples don't have children and plenty of gay couples do.  "No, but man and woman were made…" I cut him off, saying we clearly had differing opinions and I'd prefer not to continue this pointless discussion with him.  LOVE IS LOVE.  I doubt if he'd known bout my omni-pan-bi-tri-quad-everything-queer sexuality that he would have started the discussion at all.  I find that in these situations I often have to bite my tongue, or I can't quite say what I mean.  But why is it anyone's business what people do with their sex lives and why?  Do your own thing but don't dictate what I or anyone else does.

You go, Betty Friedan.  You tell them.  Sex roles are what this world we live in is based upon.  Slowly, slowly, with the help of institutions such as Smith College, the world is beginning to change.  But womyn still make less money than men.  Companies still market toward womyn because womyn are the 'biggest consumers.'  Why is this?  Because they don't teach womyn's empowerment in schools.  Womyn are taught that they are only as valuable as men find them.  And that makes them only as valuable as their outward appearance.  Why would this ever be true?  Every womyn is beautiful, and every woman has the potential to be as smart as their male counterparts, if not smarter.  But time and time again they get put down.  By slurs.  By rude comments.  "Slut."  "Whore."  "Cunt."  "Bitch."  "Ho."  "Ugly."  And it starts early.  It starts as early as the men learn the words, and then they are used against one another.  More stereotypically beautiful girls put down the less stereotypically beautiful girls.  Although on the outside American culture seems to favor individuality, if you don't fit in, that's it for you.

Let me just say that thank god I chose to attend Smith College.  I can't even begin to think where I'd be if I attended a co-ed college or university.  I needed some time to just figure out who I was without the influence of men breathing down my neck and shouting my faults.  Or even whispering or suggesting my faults.  I needed to be with a group of intelligent, accepting people who would support me and who I morphed into.  That's precisely what I found.  I found a place where I could be a person regardless of my gender or sexual identity.

Without this, I wouldn't be the still-forming self-sufficient womyn that I am today and who will continue to search for answers until she's satisfied.  I wouldn't be seeing the open hearted and minded man that I am seeing right now.  I wouldn't be comfortable in my skin and in my body.  I am who I am and I am not perfect.  I am nowhere near.  But I am human.  I am beautiful and I am intelligent.  Just like you.  Just like everyone.

Keep questioning things, ladies and gents, humans and people!  If you don't question the society we live in, who will?

-Mac at Smith

Mac at Smith

So.  First post.  Here is where I tell you why I'm writing this blog in the first place.  Honestly, there have been many times in my life that I've thought would be good to start a blog.  I had one when I was much younger, and I blogged last summer while I was in Rwanda (I tried to blog every day, and it worked for a while until I got really caught up in day-to-day things).

But now I just want to write what I want when I want.  I want people to be able to see what I'm thinking and have thoughtful, provoking discussions.  I want o share cool quotes that I find, photos that I stumble upon, pieces that I write, videos I take, things I hear walking down the street.  So that is what I will do.

I don't really expect anyone to read this, but I guess some people really like reading blogs, especially those with lots of photos, so I'll see what I can do.

I'll leave you with this wicked cool photo.  I haven't quite decided what I think it means yet, but it has something to do with seeing the world through another's eyes.

-Mac at Smith