Betty Friedan, Marriage, and Gender

I feel so blessed to attend a college that brags alum like Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem.  It makes me think who these incredible womyn would have been had they not attended Smith College.  Would they still have been the well-written and versed activists that they became, or would they be hosting their revolutionary thoughts in their heads only?

Betty Friedan spoke my quote of the day, "If divorce has increased by one thousand percent, don't blame the women's movement.  Blame the obsolete sex roles on which our marriages were based."

What a beautiful quote.  It's difficult for me to put into words how I feel about marriage, because there are so many aspects to consider.  First of all, whether it's a traditional marriage between a man and a womyn or a marriage between two womyn, two men, or those who identify outside of the gender binary.  Do I ever want to get married?  I have no idea.  Right now it holds no great meaning to me.  The only reason I could think of to get married is honestly if I decided I wanted to have children to add some stability to their life.  I don't want to be a mother who hosts many sexual guests in my house.  I want to be in a relationship where my partner and me can both serve as stable parent figures in the child's life.  It may be old fashioned, but I think marriage is the easiest way for a child to know that they are in a family.  Which is why it's so important that gay marriage be recognized universally.

Marriage.  It's so difficult to define when a dictionary such as the New Oxford American Dictionary on my computer defines it as "the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife."  Why the fixation of gender?  And why is husband always placed before wife, king before queen, boy before girl?  And don't tell me it's in alphabetical order.

Someone at my job the other day was talking to me about homosexuality.  He said something to the effect of, "Why can't they just put their dick in a girl?"  I told him it was not his nor anyone else's business what anyone did with their dick.  He retorted with, "But it's not natural… like they can't make children that way."  So?  I told him, Every time you have sex, is it to make children?  Plenty of straight couples don't have children and plenty of gay couples do.  "No, but man and woman were made…" I cut him off, saying we clearly had differing opinions and I'd prefer not to continue this pointless discussion with him.  LOVE IS LOVE.  I doubt if he'd known bout my omni-pan-bi-tri-quad-everything-queer sexuality that he would have started the discussion at all.  I find that in these situations I often have to bite my tongue, or I can't quite say what I mean.  But why is it anyone's business what people do with their sex lives and why?  Do your own thing but don't dictate what I or anyone else does.

You go, Betty Friedan.  You tell them.  Sex roles are what this world we live in is based upon.  Slowly, slowly, with the help of institutions such as Smith College, the world is beginning to change.  But womyn still make less money than men.  Companies still market toward womyn because womyn are the 'biggest consumers.'  Why is this?  Because they don't teach womyn's empowerment in schools.  Womyn are taught that they are only as valuable as men find them.  And that makes them only as valuable as their outward appearance.  Why would this ever be true?  Every womyn is beautiful, and every woman has the potential to be as smart as their male counterparts, if not smarter.  But time and time again they get put down.  By slurs.  By rude comments.  "Slut."  "Whore."  "Cunt."  "Bitch."  "Ho."  "Ugly."  And it starts early.  It starts as early as the men learn the words, and then they are used against one another.  More stereotypically beautiful girls put down the less stereotypically beautiful girls.  Although on the outside American culture seems to favor individuality, if you don't fit in, that's it for you.

Let me just say that thank god I chose to attend Smith College.  I can't even begin to think where I'd be if I attended a co-ed college or university.  I needed some time to just figure out who I was without the influence of men breathing down my neck and shouting my faults.  Or even whispering or suggesting my faults.  I needed to be with a group of intelligent, accepting people who would support me and who I morphed into.  That's precisely what I found.  I found a place where I could be a person regardless of my gender or sexual identity.

Without this, I wouldn't be the still-forming self-sufficient womyn that I am today and who will continue to search for answers until she's satisfied.  I wouldn't be seeing the open hearted and minded man that I am seeing right now.  I wouldn't be comfortable in my skin and in my body.  I am who I am and I am not perfect.  I am nowhere near.  But I am human.  I am beautiful and I am intelligent.  Just like you.  Just like everyone.

Keep questioning things, ladies and gents, humans and people!  If you don't question the society we live in, who will?

-Mac at Smith